Week 2 – Haynes Have a Lot to Answer For


So I’ve made it through one full week now.  Is the hardest part over?  I hope so…

As I am currently living in the family home for the time-being it occurred to me that I really needed to start taking photos of us together off the walls.  It was during this de-clutter that I stumbled across a shocking discovery.  We had a Haynes Manual of Marriage!

Now this really pissed me off!  But it also made me wonder…could it be that the split wasn’t the fault of either of us?  Were we victims of DIY manual negligence?  Is Haynes Liable…and can I get my money back?

I feel as though I am a cautionary tale that DIY manuals can’t fix everything.  I mean they should, right?  I had to take a stand before other innocent couples fall foul of this offensive cash-grab.  I needed to air my grievance with Haynes.  So I set about writing an honest review to email to them.  People have to know….


“I have used Haynes manuals for years, starting with my MK2 VW Golf in 2004. They give you the ability to tackle pretty much any repair needed on your vehicle. I totally trust the brand and the accurate, quality information within their manuals. Unfortunately the company have fallen short with this particular DIY guide in the most catastrophic way possible.

“My wife had it given to her as a gift this past Christmas (2016). Just to clarify, this was not a purchase made in order to immediately repair a broken marriage but as a helpful tool to use to ensure we stayed strong. Despite this fact my wife left me last week, out of the blue & with no chance for reconciliation. Thanks Haynes….you bunch of morons have let us down!

“Unlike the car manuals I have used in the past this fell short on so many levels. The attention to detail was just not present – the volume of information fell woefully below acceptable levels. The picture on the front cover is the first giveaway. Since we read it I have ensured that whenever I wash my antique Rolls Royce I do so in my suit and tie and order my wife to stand immediately behind me with “that inane smile you have when you see stupid videos of cats on facebook…WILL YOU GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA FOR 10 SECONDS! I’M TRYING TO HAVE AN ADULT CONVERSATION WITH YOU ABOUT YOUR CRYSTAL METH ADDICTION” plastered on her face. Unbelievably this only seemed to fuel arguments.

“I take particular offense to the section labelled ‘Depreciation (Men)’. It seems in poor taste for Haynes to highlight my potential short-comings to my wife; she didn’t need to be reminded that I’m an aging, flabby mess. I mean, it’s obvious to anyone with eyes but lets not make that a conscious thought! I’m so used to these manuals making suggestions for ways to FIX problems that I didn’t expect them to look for problems that clearly weren’t there before the book appeared in our lives.

“Commenting on her ‘Spare Tyre’ turned out to be a bad idea also….well done Haynes.

“I am extremely disappointed with the outcome of using this manual – it is not a genuine solution. It almost feels as though the book was written for comedy value. Well I’m not laughing as I sit alone in my pants on my sofa watching repeats of Judge Rinder at 2am on ITV3+1 whilst my wife is out getting hit on by young Greek waiters in places I could never justify paying to take her.

“Please remove this blatantly inaccurate book from sale immediately – and send me a replacement wife, no mail-order brides will be accepted.


A most dis-satisfied customer.”


It felt good to get the anger off my chest, but the public are those being maligned…the people need to know!

Amazon held the key…their reviews page gives me the forum to speak the truth! Shit, now I need a pro’s and con’s list as well?  Jesus.  Well, best get to it…

“Would not recommend


* Has that lovely ‘new book’ smell

* Has de-cluttered my house by 50%

* Is available as an e-book


* Did not save marriage

* Makes ludicrous suggestions such as talking about your feelings and paying attention to your spouse’s wants and needs

* Hard-back version has very sharp corners”


Click right here to see the full Amazon review.

My only hope is that I can save others from making the same mistake we did.



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